How To Be Assertive But Not Aggressive

Many people shy away from assertiveness because they’re worried that they’ll wind up coming across as aggressive. Instead, they bottle everything up inside, until it all explodes in one massive eruption. 

However, this belief is false. Assertiveness and aggressiveness are not the same things. And there are plenty of people in the world who are assertive in what they do, but not at all aggressive. 

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In this post, we take a look at some of the ways you can become more assertive. Check them out below. 

Stay Calm

Right at the heart of assertiveness is the ability to stay calm. Aggressive people are assertive and angry at the same time – something that scares other people and isn’t appropriate for a work environment. 

Staying calm, on the other hand, communicates power and surety. People who are able to maintain serenity in the face of chaos immediately elevate themselves in the social ranking. They’re able to do something that most can’t. 

Use The Pronoun “I” More Often

Using the word “I” more often is another good way to be more assertive. Saying things like “I want this” or “I feel that” can really help. 

At the same time, you want to avoid aggressive phrases, such as “you never” or “you always.” These categoricals attempt to define somebody else’s motivations and are unhelpful, particularly in romantic relationships. 

Get Some Training

STL and other course providers highlight the importance of training. If you’re the sort of person who is in the habit of not being assertive, then professional assistance can help a great deal. 

The value of these courses is that they teach you the mental technology to stand up for yourself and communicate your needs. You get to learn all the shortcuts. 

Accept Differences

You might not like it, but other people will often have a different point of view from you. And, sometimes, they’ll be right. 

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Instead of fighting this privately or getting upset, just accept differences. Fundamentally, it doesn’t matter what other people think, and it certainly doesn’t affect you. All that matters is your own peacefulness and tranquility. 

If the other person gets angry, that’s their problem. It’s not something you need to manage. 

Know What Assertiveness Is

Assertiveness is the ability to sound your needs, thoughts and ideas without being passive or aggressive. Assertive people are usually direct and honest. 

Whenever you’re communicating with other people, remember that they don’t automatically know how you feel. 

Keep Communication Confident

Even if you feel calm on the inside, that might not always come across to people observing you from the outside. That’s why it’s also important to master your communication manner. 

When talking to people, pay attention to your body language. Make sure that it correlates with your words and tone. If you look awkward, it can undermine your communication efforts, even if your words are confident. 

Some tricks that you might want to use include: 

• Keeping a relaxed or neutral facial expression
• Leaning into people a little bit but not too much
• Standing up straight
• And smiling when appropriate

*This is a collaborative post